‘Mummy, can we stop at the Garden Centre on the way home from school? I want to buy daddy a can of coke with my own money.’
It was Friday afternoon and I was feeling myself tensing up in expectation of another brutal weekend of sabotage. When we got home my son Jamie asked to use the computer and told me he was doing something secret and I was to keep out.
‘I am making a Power Point presentation.’
Twenty minutes later he called me and asked me to sit in front of the screen.
‘I’ve made this for you and dad.’
‘SORRY’ said the opening slide amongst animations of little people crying and banging their heads against rocks.
Then ‘I KNOW IT’S BEEN DIFFICULT’ above a man collapsed with exhaustion.
‘PLEASE DON’T GIVE UP ON ME’ said the final slide.
‘Jamie, me and daddy are never ever going to give up on you. We are your mum and dad forever.’
He looked at me with watery eyes.
‘You’ve been pushing me and daddy so hard lately. I think maybe you’ve been testing to see if we will ring social services and ask them to take you away.’
‘I don’t mean to do it.’
‘I know.’
We had a hug and I told him that it would be the end of my world if he ever left our family. Then we drank hot chocolate and watched an episode of Malcolm in the Middle together. We’ve been bonding over Malcolm in the Middle. Jamie likes Dewey. I am Lois.
‘I feel like I am coming out of a long, dark tunnel,’ says Jamie.
He lets me hold his hand.
Another great post that shows all the effort and hard work that you’ve put in does pay off. The fact that he is able to recognise the upset that he’s caused is a credit to your wonderful parenting. I’m happy for you.
Thank you. I really can’t accept all that praise. He’s very brave. And I really do have some scary Lois-like moments.
But you help him be brave, and provide the safe environment for him to express himself. I’m sure he has great strength as I know my two do, but don’t under estimate your part.
Goodness. Sitting in the kitchen with a little mouse scratching away in the cupboards (yes, you read that right, and the social workers are coming on Monday, ho hum!) and piles of washing up on the draining board, feeling, well, irritated, until I read this. Truly brought a tear to my eye. It’s moments like this that must make it all worthwhile. Thank you for sharing x
Don’t worry. I’m told that if one’s house is too tidy it is indicative of a controlling personality that will suffer immediate meltdown if faced by adoptive children. So make sure you leave out an acceptable amount of washing up. Good luck. It is worthwhile.
What a breakthrough. How mature of him, too. It’s hard as a grown-up to understand our feelings. How frustrating it must be for our little (and not-so-little) ones. This is lovely to read after all you have been through lately. *wipes tear x
Thanks C.
That brought tears to my eyes. I can not imagine how you felt.
Relieved!
Wow.
I know times are tough, I know there are struggles and school stuff and all sorts of crap happening for you. Which to me makes it even more ‘wow’ that he can recognise what’s going on, even though he’s in the thick of some pretty heavy stuff.
Jamie sounds like a very mature, brave boy who loves you very much.
Brilliant post – It is fascinating to me that he chose to communicate to you via a powerpoint presentation. Do you think that is indicitaive of his background or is it something more specific to him?
I think the power point presentation is a way to say things at a bit of an emotional distance. He is also fond of dropped great big boulders into conversations during car journeys where there can be no eye contact and therefore it is less threatening. Thanks for reading.
Just beautiful! I long for moments of connection like this too xx
What a great and beautiful post, fills me with hope.
Lois is my role model, how she managed all those boys (husband included) is beyond me!
Thank you Emily. I love Lois too. She makes me feel better about life.