What it feels like to be an adopted child

Because i wasn’t cared for as a baby i find school difficult,lessons a lot harder and friendships harder to form.  The first day back at school is always the hardest because I’m used to relaxing and talking non-stop, I find R.S the hardest because we have to learn about the things I don’t believe in. I don’t believe god looks after children otherwise i wouldn’t be writing this and had to experience what i did, It could have been worse but I’m still affected by it. I was abused for 2 years but not as bad as the other children who were there longer i feel really sorry for what they are experiencing it must be really hard.   

I find friendships difficult because i don’t know what to talk about.  Other boys talk about violent games which i am not allowed because it makes me more aggressive towards other people.  I have played them before in front of my mum and she saw the slitting of throats and we got rid of it and my aggression improved.  I try to keep up with the latest football scores but i find it boring to watch.  Because i missed playing when i was younger Im just catching up and play instead of watching football like everyone else. It makes me calm when i play and i play in my room where no one can disturb me.

It makes me feel different and get special treatment at school which i don’t like having but i do like being different in a way because I’m not like everyone else.

It feels strange being with a adoptive family as they’re not your blood mum and dad.

Im glad I’m one on the lucky ones to have survived!
I get angry with Radio channels and posters (in my RS room) saying that ‘Neglected and abused children are more likely to commit crimes’  Which is in a way discriminatory. It isn’t our fault we were abused and neglected we had no choice as we were babies and couldn’t fight back. I will NEVER  meet my birth mum or dad because i would lash out and get in trouble.
When i was abused i got a scar on my face and my teeth bent when a metal pole was forced into my mouth all i can remember was there was a lot of blood. I now get teased for all sorts the names are wild like ‘rabbit’ ‘beaver’ loads more!
Having a bad past has made my life hell as I’m teased.
I feel stronger everyday of speaking out about me being adopted, in my second primary school i bring in my birth story book and told everyone i was adopted then the teasing stopped but we were about to leave for secondary school. I have a favourite T.A which i cannot name for privacy which understands everything and i can go to her with my problems most of the time.
In the future i dream of becoming a police man to help other people with problems. The life at home is amazing because comparing it against my birth home it is amazing, my mum is a special breed as she is funny and odd some times as i write she is sat next to me making and elastic band ball and my dad is funny as well but but can we grumpy when he has had a bad day at work so we give him love :)

This week is about finding homes for children who are ‘hard to place’, which i don’t like because   children who have been abused and neglected deserve to have safe and amazing families like mine.

28 thoughts on “What it feels like to be an adopted child

  1. Sarah

    How beautifully honest, full of sadness but also eternal hopeful. Thank your son for being able to share this with us all. x

  2. Suddenly Mummy

    Wow! You express yourself really well and have really helped me to understand a bit more about what it must feel like to be adopted. My little boy is adopted too and I hope that when he is older he will be able to talk and write about it as well as you have done here. I hope you do another blog post soon :)

  3. Victoria

    You make lots of valid points, thank you for sharing with us. I think your RS teacher should take that poster down, it makes me cross just hearing about it. Take care, we’re all rooting for you and your sister and I think you’ll go far!

  4. Anne

    Thank you for sharing your feelings with us. My son who is 12, and was adopted with his 2 sisters by us 6 years ago, will be able to relate to a lot of what you have said, I will show him your story tomorrow. I am glad you have somebody at school who you can talk to and who understands you.
    I hope you hijack your mum’s blog again soon!

  5. Amanda Boorman

    What a fantastic piece of writing. So honest and brave and strong. You seem to really understand yourself well which can really help you in life and also help others to understand young people who are adopted. Thanks for writing it x

  6. Anne Little

    Hi Jamie
    Thank you for sharing some of your thoughts today. I think your writing is very good and has let me know how your life has been so far. I think you will make an excellent policeman and hope that dream comes true. I love the way you “give love” to your dad when he has had a bad day. If you can give and receive love you will do OK!
    Kind Regards

  7. Considerer

    This is an incredible, honest, heart-rending piece. And what an amazing young man to be able to articulate all of these very challenging and traumatic experiences so well. And what a beautiful ambition for the future. I hope you get it.

    But keep writing, because the more people who hear your story, and the stories of other adopted children, the far, far better – too much is unknown and the ‘adopted child’ is still somewhat shrouded in mystery to those outside adoption circles. I think this could be a really important way to have an impact for good.

  8. Mike Costall

    Thank you for sharing this with us. I have adopted sons and it will help me to understand how they feel about the problems they have at school. I hope you will write again as you are already helping people to know about adoption and the good and bad parts of going through it.

  9. Mary

    Wow, what a powerful piece of writing. Well done you!

    Please keep writing, if you find it helps.

  10. pete smith

    Well done young man, I read this with increasing joy at your strength, your honesty and wish you every success in coming to terms with your past. And applaud your determination to help others in the future. You are a credit to yourself. And a huge source of pride to your parents.

  11. Laura

    Jamie, thank you for writing such an honest piece about what it feels like to be adopted. It must be hard for you to feel different from everyone else and to not be able to play computer games like your friends because of what happened to you as a baby, which was not your fault. No wonder you feel angry about it sometimes, but it’s very impressive that you understand where your anger comes from and that you are talking about it.
    I’m really cross that your school have a poster in the RS room that says that abused and neglected children are more likely to commit crimes! you’re right – it is discrimination! You have nothing to be ashamed of and i’m really glad to hear that you feel more able to speak out about your early life and your adoption. You are you – no poster in the RS room, or TV or radio programme should define how you feel about yourself or who you will become.
    It sounds to me like there’a lot of love in your family – and that you all accept each other for who you are (even if there is lots of grumpiness!).
    I hope we hear more from you again!

  12. Sarah

    Thank you for sharing your experience. You write very clearly and well. Have you thought about writing to your RS teacher and explaining how you feel about the poster? I think you would be able to express your feelings and thoughts very well and I would hope she would take a lot of notice of your views!

  13. rh

    What an immensely powerful, honest and yes heart-rending piece. Thank you for sharing with us all. I hope one day my son will be able to express himself as well as you have. Do keep writing as the more people hear from adopted children the more they will hopefully understand.

  14. Vicki

    Thanks for writing this Jamie – I found it really interesting to read about how you feel. I have an adopted son too – he’s 6, but I hope when he’s your age that he can share as openly and as well as you have. x

  15. Alex

    It takes a lot of courage and maturity to talk about those things so openly and to be so much at peace with yourself. I tryly admire you for that and I hope your dreams come true (become a policeman & help others).

  16. Amber Elliott

    Wow! What beautiful, important writing. You’ve really helped me to understand how it feels for you and perhaps how it might feel for other adopted children!

    I’d love to read more of your writing if you enjoyed it and think there are others things people need to understand better about adoption.

  17. Kat

    Thanks for writing this Jamie. I love the way you write about your family. I’d be angry too if that poster was in my daughter’s classroom. Hope they take it down. Please keep writing. My little girl is 4 (adopted at 2.5) and I think in the future your writing will help her xx

  18. Threebecomefour

    Thank you for writing this Jamie. It must have been difficult to do. I have two adopted children aged 6 and 1 and I often wonder how it feels for them now and how it might be in the future. I hope you’re able to sort that RS picture out! I also hope that the children who make you feel sad and angry when they make fun of your teeth stop picking on you. I didn’t have a good start to life in many ways and I know that those memories stay with you. I also know that having people in your life who make you feel good and show you love will help so much. It did for me and I didn’t turn out like that RS poster and neither will you. I don’t think those sorts of video games are good for anyone if I’m honest. I wish you a happy rest of your life Jamie filled with things that make you happy and safe.

  19. LastMum

    Jamie, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. You write very well indeed – must be a Donovan family thing, since your mum is a fantastic writer as well :) I also think you are very mature and insightful. I have 3 lovely children (whom I adopted) and I shared your writing with my 8 year old son who thought it was really great and we ended up chatting about adoption and video games (he is also not allowed video games with slitting throats etc!)

    I would be angry if that RS poster was in my children’s classroom as well. It is definitely discriminatory. I hope it gets sorted out quickly for you

    I hope you fulfill all your dreams, you deserve to achieve anything you put your mind to

  20. Nico

    Jamie you sound lovely. I was adopted too – over 35 years ago – and couldn’t write about my experiences as well as you have. I wish you all the best. I’m sorry you’re being picked on. What horrid children they are. I hope this stops soon.

    I’m glad you now have a wonderful mum and dad and although they’re not you’re birth family they are your family and it sounds like you have a lot of love around you.

  21. claire

    What an amazingly brave little boy!
    Give him an extra squeeze from me today and thank him for sharing what must have been the most difficult thing he’s ever written.

  22. Pingback: Adopter and Community Care columnist Sally Donovan wins prestigious award - Community Care

  23. DillyTante

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. It reminds me of a quote you might like which goes something like “Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle”. I’m sorry you are having to fight yours but you & your adoptive parents are lucky to have found each other x

  24. Izzwizz

    I was very struck and impressed by your writing. Because I thought it was great, I showed my son J this post after a bit of a bad day. He said:
    How old is this person?
    He’s got the same name as me
    You have to follow him Mum
    What he says, he’s my twin
    I hope that we will see more of your writing as I know it will help many people, young and old.
    X x x from us both

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