Agent Provocateur

Every conversation a confrontation. Every request a battle. Rising emotions met with a smirk.

Rules are important, for others. Those others who break the rules are scum. Pure and simple. But there’s no rules allowed here.  You want rules?  You delusional old fool.  Put them in the bin, with dinner.

Rudeness (it’s more than rudeness, but we call it that to avoid calling a spade a spade) chips away at the soul. Soul destroying. Protect the soul and the peace by slicing away parts of yourself. Soon there will be nothing left.

Walk away. Stay calm. Stay regulated. Describe rising anger, but don’t let it see the light of day. An overwhelming anger. Technicolour anger. Not allowed to be angry. (Anger isn’t a real emotion.) How

No one in my life has ever spoken to me like that.

An urge to hurl a plate at a window. To run into the street and scream and lie in the road and be taken away and not to care anymore. Or to drive. Away from here. And cry like someone has died. (Someone has died.)

You don’t mean it? Repair and recovery? Right now? An emptiness of instant words and empty-headed reconciliation. Lost for words.

Day-in-day-out. Relentless. Soul destroying.

You want the silver lining? Right now I don’t have one to give.

7 thoughts on “Agent Provocateur

  1. Mrs Family of 5

    Oh I know this feeling of utter despair, we haven’t got to teens yet, but at 10, big girl has just started with this ‘rudeness’ :/

    hugs my lovely friend xxx

  2. Julie

    Is there a virtue in not responding? Small kids maybe, but teenagers? I couldn’t do that, whatever the ‘advice’ might be. There are limits, and they have already been well breached.

  3. Grace Evans

    Wow. So well put, that describes our particular brand of pain exactly. At the moment it feels it will never end, but it will, eventually. Wish I could tell you when.

  4. Three Pink Diamonds

    Sorry to hear that things are so difficult. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better, stronger but words fail me. Just know you are not alone in your despair.

  5. Claire

    Sadly that sounds all too familiar….

    ..and when you start to fall apart, in jump social work with child protection stuff.

    Luckily for us the main agent has now moved on.

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